AUSTIN, Texas -- It's got to stop! This continual flood of apologies
plaguing our national political life has become a menace. Two, three times a
day, they're out there apologizing for this, that or the other -- showing
contrition, flaunting repentance, begging us to please forgive them.
I blame it all on John McCain, who has this disarming habit of admitting it
when he's wrong. I didn't know him from a hole in the ground, but he called
me a couple of years ago just to say, "You were right, and I was wrong."
That was on the 1996 telecom deregulation act, about which I was right and
he was wrong. But I'd never had a politician do that before, so it startled
me considerably.
This sort of behavior led to McCain's reputation for being "authentic" --
particularly as compared to the gross stonewalling that has afflicted pols
from Watergate through Monica. And that in turn led to the dread menace of
"authenticity."
"Authenticity" is the chief political buzzword of the year. Who has it
(Jesse Ventura) and who doesn't (George W. Bush and Al Gore) is a source of
endless debate.
Actually, early on, "traction," which completely superseded "momentum" this
year, looked like a comer. Another contender was "wooing the Hispanic
vote" -- not "courting" or "seeking," but "wooing." However, both have been
edged as the most frequently used cliche of the year by "authenticity."
Not since the time that the entire media corps took to invariably
describing Sheik Omar Abdel Rahman as "the blind cleric" have we seen such
unanimity. Authenticity has totally eclipsed both "charisma" and "gravitas,"
two favorites of yesteryear.
Tuesday was a two-apology day, as Bush campaign consultant Ralph Reed
apologized for simultaneously being a lobbyist for Microsoft. He said he
wouldn't do it any more. And Texas Health Commissioner Reyn Archer
apologized for saying that Hispanics are generally in favor of teen
pregnancy.
It was a bad week for the Bush camp, apology-wise, as only two days earlier
a Bush appointee to the Commission on Law Enforcement Standards had to
apologize for having sworn during a deposition that calling black people
"porch monkeys" is not a racial slur. However, all this was balanced by
Gore's daily apology for the Buddhist temple fund-raising affair.
Other notable apologies of the campaign so far have been:
Bush's apology to Cardinal John O'Connor just before the New York
primary for having visited Bob Jones University without speaking out against
the school's anti-Catholicism and racism.
Gore's daily apology for the Buddhist temple deal.
Apology by a breast-cancer activist for appearing in an ad smearing
McCain as not caring enough about breast cancer.
Gore's daily apology for the Buddhist temple matter.
McCain's refusal to apologize for having referred to his North
Vietnamese captors as "gooks," thus proving his authenticity once more --
they're still gooks to him.
Gore's daily apology for the Buddhist temple.
North Carolina Sen. Fritz Hollings' apology to McCain for the entire
tenor of the primary campaign in that state, saying that "Lee Atwater was
alive and well," and, "It wasn't a proud day for our state."
Gore's daily apology for the Buddhist temple.
You might think there was some hope in Mayor Rudy Giuliani, who has never
admitted he was wrong about anything: possible authenticity there. But no,
Giuliani's poll numbers slipped after he once again failed to apologize when
the New York City police shot an unarmed citizen, thus demonstrating not
authenticity but stupidity.
Another thing that's got to stop is this endless visiting of the public
schools by concerned politicians.
Every day is full of the public school visits -- not just by Bush and Gore,
but down to candidates for Public Weigher of Hides -- endlessly interrupting
teachers and kids at school. Disrupting the lesson plan, spoiling the
spelling bee, taking up the nap time, elbowing out the math lesson.
There is a solution. If the media would just stop using those pictures of
candidates stooping down to talk to little kids, or picking them up and
hugging them, the schools of this nation could finally get back to educating
children instead of being constantly used as a background for photo ops.
Pictures of pols hugging little kids are especially prized if the kid is a
minority; I believe you will find by actual count that the
politician-visiting-a-school is three times more likely to pick up a
minority kid and hug him than an Anglo kid, and I think the White Citizens
Council should protest.
Let me suggest a new way of faking authenticity. When Texas legislators are
tripped up in a lie, they traditionally reply, "You caught me speedin'."
Lyndon B. Johnson, the master Texas pol, was even more blunt. An opponent
once rose in the Senate and said to him, "You S.O.B, you promised me you
would vote 'No' on that bill, and you just voted 'Yes.'"
"Well," explained Lyndon, "I lied."
Enough said.
Molly Ivins is a columnist for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. To find out more about Molly Ivins and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers
and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at www.creators.com.
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