Former Texas Gov. Ann Richards observed the other day that the
price of gasoline has gone so high in Texas that women who want to run over
their husbands have to carpool.
Thought we needed a laugh before plunging back into the war.
Here's a lovely item. Australian Broadcasting Corp. reports U.S. soldiers in
Iraq are being asked to pray for President George W. Bush. Thousands of
Marines have been given a pamphlet, put out by In Touch Ministries, called
"A Christian's Duty." It is a mini prayer book that includes a tear-out card
to be mailed to the White House pledging that the soldier who sends it has
been praying for Bush.
"I have committed to pray for you, your family, your staff and
our troops during this time of uncertainty and tumult," says the card. "May
God's peace be your guide."
That's special.
In case you hadn't noticed the next-to-the-last paragraph in all
the stories about Richard Perle being forced to resign from the chairmanship
of the Pentagon's Defense Advisory Board, here's the catch. He resigned from
the chairmanship but not from the board, whence he will continue to dispense
his invaluable advice despite the glaring conflict of interest. He has been
retained by Global Crossing to help get approval from the Pentagon for sale
of the company to a Hong Kong billionaire. The Pentagon and FBI initially
objected on national security grounds, and Perle has been retained to help
get approval for the sale, national security problem or not. Global Crossing
will pay Perle $600,000 on top of his $125,000 retainer fee if the Pentagon
approves the deal.
Perle has been pushing for "regime change" in Iraq for more than
a decade. In May 2002, Perle said that Iraq could be taken with a force of
40,000 American troops. He also predicted "Support for Saddam, including his
military organization, will collapse at the first whiff of gunpowder."
A guy that smart, we can't afford to do without him.
Imagine how charmed I was to find that Rush Limbaugh and other
distinguished media critics from the right feel the "liberal media" are
insufficiently enthusiastic about Gulf War II. As Will Rogers says, "This is
more than exciting, Christiane."
Meanwhile, back at the ranch ... A special salute to the
Commodities Futures Trading Commission, which was so helpful to Enron. It
was set up to protect investors from abusive practices in commodities
trading, and to that end this alert guardian watchdog of commodities has
proposed three new rules that would, according to The New York Times,
"reduce the quality of disclosure required in reports of past performance,
increase the opportunity for advisers to put some clients' or their own
interests ahead of others' and curtail the already lax regulation on
operators of hedge funds. Using language that could have come straight out
of an Enron annual report, the commission said the rules would streamline
regulation, allowing 'greater flexibility and innovation.'"
Just what we need! Less financial regulation! I can't wait to
see those hedge funds cut loose. We can make Enron look like peanuts.
HealthSouth will be a mere blip on the radar compared to what's to come. Ah,
the genius of the free markets.
Another special salute to the executives of Delta Airlines, who
have just awarded themselves a $42 million "perk package." The airline is
teetering on the edge of bankruptcy and is begging Washington to have the
taxpayers bail it out. Duane Woerth, president of the Air Line Pilots
Association, said: "Thousands of airline workers have lost their jobs or
given significant wage, benefit and work-rule concessions since Sept. 11 to
help save their companies. Therefore it is disconcerting, if not outrageous,
that airline executives are lining their pockets while employees are
subsidizing these bonuses and bankruptcy-protected retirement plans."
Delta's top five executives got full salaries plus bonuses
totaling $4.8 million, while the company is hemorrhaging money. Another 55
second-tier executives got six-figure bonuses totaling $12.5 million. Delta
also spent $25 million setting up special accounts to protect certain
executives' pensions in the event of bankruptcy. The plan calls for two more
payments this year and next.
I can't wait to help bail them out
And of course we are all happy to learn that the Bush
administration plans to provide universal health care and massive school
construction for postwar Iraq, while simultaneously cutting health and
education funding here at home.
Those of you who feel an impulse to raise your hand and ask,
"Uh, what about us?" are just being selfish. If we get universal health care
and massive school construction (between one-third and one-half of all
American schools are somewhere between dilapidated and flat falling apart),
why then, Bush couldn't afford to give a $350 billion tax cut to the richest
1 percent of Americans. You see how selfish you're being?
Marian Wright Edelman of the Children's Defense Fund has a
depressing new set of statistics about the damage being done to American
children -- more falling into poverty, more homeless, and cuts to Head
Start, Medicaid, Children's Health Insurance Program, after school,
pre-school, schools, food programs ... on and on the list goes. Edelman
calls it "an ideological coup d'etat." Did anyone vote for this?
The other night in Ames, Iowa, a man stood up to ask me a
question. "I'm from Texas, but I left 50 years ago," he said. "I guess I've
just forgotten. Could you explain to me just what you Texans mean when you
say, 'Compassion?'"
To find out more about Molly Ivins and read features by other
Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate web
page at
www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2003 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.
