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House Judiciary Committee Chairman John Conyers has called on Attorney
General Eric Holder to open a criminal investigation into the misdeeds
of former president George W. Bush and former vice president Richard B.
Cheney.
Holder, in turn, has now called on Conyers to open impeachment
proceedings against former head of the Office of Legal Council Jay
Bybee, now a judge in the Ninth Circuit.
Conyers, in response, has demanded that Holder open a complete
investigation of 14 different areas of criminal enterprise and appoint
an independent counsel, offering a list of eight possible candidates.
Holder, in reply, has insisted that Conyers reissue all of the subpoenas
his committee has failed to enforce over the past two and a half years
and use the Capitol Police to enforce them at once.
In response, Conyers' office has issued a new report on the need to weed
out corruption and undo politically motivated prosecutions by the U.S.
Department of Justice.
This morning, the attorney general remarked at a televised press
conference, "Chairman Conyers proposed five months ago to extend to 10
years the statutes of limitations on crimes allegedly committed under
the previous administration. Introducing a bill might be a way to begin
making that happen. Just an idea. I'm no expert."
Surprisingly, John Conyers removed a large Easter bonnet that had been
disguising him, stood up in the back of the room and shouted: "Mr.
Attorney General, the former vice president of the United States
confesses to authorizing torture every time he leaves his house. You
are required by law to indict him. Are you waiting for Marc Rich's
permission?"
Attorney General Holder cut him off, declaring from the microphone at
the podium: "The distinguished gentleman has spent the past three years
refusing to enforce subpoenas or attempt impeachments, making a laughing
stock of one branch of government, and now wants another branch to act
on the basis of his reports as if we can't do our own thinking and must
employ the U.S. Congress as a think tank. Does he imagine we don't know
that torture is against the law?"
Conyers, age 80, stood on a chair and announced: "Mr. Attorney General,
the vice president's house is about two miles across the river and I
Holder appeared to consider this momentarily before replying: "Chairman
Conyers, it has been over a year since you subpoenaed Mr. Cheney. If
you've given your Mapquest directions for his house to the Capitol
Police and they haven't found it yet, something must be defective."
"You're scared," was Conyers' startling reply.
"No, you are," was the remarkable response from the attorney general.
The press conference continued to degenerate, and recounting the rest
would serve no clear purpose other than embarrassment.
