AUSTIN -- Watching our homeboy George Dubya as he wends his way -- somewhat
unsteadily -- toward the presidency is a nerve-racking procedure. Face it,
our reputation is on the line along with the governor's. All of us know that
20 million Texans can't be brought to agree on anything, including whether
the guys who died at the Alamo were heroes or fools. Nevertheless, we are
all being painted with the Bush brush, so whenever he makes a cake of
himself, all of us get the blame ("Those Texans, so ignorant.'')
Relatively speaking, Bush is one of our better representatives on the
national scene. In Washington, which seems to have been deeply scarred by
LBJ's occasional lack of couth, we are still regarded as a tribe of
Visigoths. ("And then, he lifted his shirt and showed us the scar!'') Every
time Gov. Preston Smith, who had a terminal West Texas accent, went on
television, I used to wince: "Our biggest problem after this hurricane is
all the day-brees we got lyin' around.'' So, Dubya Bush doesn't seem like
anyone we'd have to blush for.
But one national columnist, writing this week about how Bush favors the
concealed weapons law -- and the amendment to the law that allows concealed
weapons to be carried in church -- wrote, "Apparently Texans feel so naked
without their guns that they cannot even take time off to pray without the
reassurance of their little metal friends nestled somewhere warmly on their
persons.'' Another columnist decided not long ago to blame all 20 million of
us for "... bloodthirsty criminal justice officials. ... Texas, where
liberals are required to carry visas and compassion is virtually illegal ...
a state perfectly willing to execute the retarded and railroad the innocent
... by far the most backward state in the nation when it comes to capital
punishment ..." etc.
So when Bush commits a gaffe, we all look bad, which brings us to the
unfortunate matter of Jean Poutine, who is not the prime minister of Canada.
Some joker from a Canadian radio comedy show told Bush he had been endorsed
by "Prime Minister Poutine of Canada." Where upon Bush thanked the prime
minister for his support and said how important our neighbors to the north
are to us all. Unfortunately, Poutine is a form of
Canadian junk food made with potatoes, cheese and brown gravy (sounds
awful). Granted, you can't find a quorum of Texans who know who the prime
minister of Canada is, so this sounds at first like another one of those
stupid "gotcha" quizzes. But any Texan who's ever been involved in national
politics does know that no foreign head of state would ever make an
endorsement in either a primary or a general election.
Ever heard the phrase "that's an internal political matter"? If a head of
state were to violate this long-standing diplomatic tradition, it would be a
matter for stiff notes between state departments, apologies demanded -- for
all I know, breaks threatened in diplomatic relations and ambassadors
recalled. It would be a whale of a flap. Why didn't Bush know that? True,
the United States has been known to favor one side or the other in a foreign
election. Among other memorable episodes, we worked to defeat Salvador
Allende in Chile in '70s, with the usual dubious results. But we do things
like that covertly; we don't have the president
instructing citizens of other countries on how he wants them to vote. Think
of the ruckus.
Molly Ivins is a columnist for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. To find out
more about Molly Ivins and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers
and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at
www.creators.com.
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